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Oh Well
For the past few months, since about February, my work schedule has been pretty sweet: I open Pier 70, "my" store, Wednesday through Saturday, and I'm "almost always available" to cover if another barista needs or wants to get rid of a shift on Sunday. Monday & Tuesday are sacred.

Five days ago, after thinking about it for at least a month, I emailed my manager to ask if I could open the Pier on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Honestly, this felt like kind of a lot to ask, even though I did assure her that I would still be "as available as possible" on weekends. But (obviously) I asked anyway. Why? Two reasons:

  1. Look, there is just a gigantic difference between waking up at four in the morning four days in a row and waking up at four in the morning two days in a row, then having a day off, then waking up at four in the morning two more days in a row. This would do so many good things for my sleep schedule.

  2. Tips! Basically, during the week I can pretty much expect to make at least sixty dollars a shift. During the weekend, they're much more hit or miss. Sure, when I wake up at four in the morning on Saturday, there is a chance that I'll have a busy shift and still make sixty dollars, but there's also a pretty good chance it will be slow and sleepy and far too many of my "customers" will be tourists who just want bottled water and directions to the closest public restroom, and I could make less than forty. Which is fine, but THE THING IS, opening on Monday and Tuesday and Thursday and Friday would be spectacular because I would be making at least $240 a week, just in tips. It's not uncommon for me to make seventy or eighty dollars in one shift during the week, and a solid hundred is rare, but not unheard of.

Anyway, she never responded to my email. Which was zero surprise. I mean, I get it. In addition to all the other little crises she has to handle, not to mention hiring & training newbies, she manages the schedule for eight stores every single week. Also, when I requested to open the Pier Wednesday through Saturday back in February, she didn't respond to that request either, it just started showing up on the schedule.

Our schedules start on Saturday and go through Friday. The new one, which goes into effect this Saturday, May 30th, got sent out today.

I'm still opening Wednesday through Saturday.

First of all, I would like to stress that this is not that much of a disappointment. Even if I "only" make sixty dollars on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, that's still one hundred and eighty fucking dollars a week. Just in tips. (Any tips from Saturday are like a nice little bonus, since it's so unpredictable.) I do kind of ~need~ to save as much money as possible in June, but there's no reason I can't pick up a shift on one of my days off here & there. And lately I've been getting all kinds of strategical about grocery spending, which is hugely helpful if I do say so myself. And, as I said before, my current schedule is pretty sweet.

But then also, I can't help but feel that my request was not that much of a change (still working four days a week, still opening the Pier on all four of those days) and I deserve it. You may recall the fact that I had been considering the pros & cons of this schedule shuffle for over a month. The thing that finally convinced me to go ahead and ask for it? Oh, I'm glad you asked! On Friday, May 15th (the day before I saw Pitch Perfect 2 with Adam & Rhea) the closer never showed up. It's completely fucking common for closers to be a little bit late, so I kept hope alive and didn't say anything at first. Then, twenty minutes after she was officially late, I called my manager and left a message to say, hey, what the fuck, this is dumb. She called back quickly to let me know that the closer had had to take some "emergency medical leave" (I didn't ask questions) and she was going to call around to find another barista to cover, and if she couldn't find anybody it would be her. She also said she was really sorry, which I appreciated. One hour and twenty minutes later, the replacement closer showed up.

Seriously, one hour and twenty minutes. It was one-fucking-forty. My shift was supposed to end at noon. What in the actual what? Apparently, she didn't realize that I had been stuck in the store since open, and buses don't come down to the Waterfront (which is true), so she walked. WHAT? Could she not call a cab? Did our manager not explain to her that I had been stuck in the store since open, and time was therefore of the fucking essence?

I didn't confront her, though, I just smiled and nodded and went home so I could curl up in a ball and try not to think about the fact that I was going to have to wake up at four in the morning again the next day.

(Also, as soon as I got to the bus stop, a bird shit on my boot. This was truly a fantastic day.)

So, you know. I just kind of sort of thought that maybe possibly it would be feasible to switch my schedule around a teensy bit. I'd like to say "And that's what I get for kind of sort of thinking good things might happen to me just because I ask for them," but the truth is, it still could happen. Eventually. For example, the jerk girl who usually opens my store on Monday? Yeah, that's the only shift she's scheduled for next week. The jerk dude who usually opens my store on Tuesday? Yeah, I know for a fact that he has no particular attachment to this particular store. Or this particular shift.

This post has gone on long enough, but just to torture myself a little bit more, let me spell it the fuck out:

If I did open my store on Monday & Tuesday & Thursday & Friday, if I never gave away any of those shifts, if I never picked up any shifts on other days, if I "only" ever made sixty dollars per shift . . . I would still make one thousand and eighty fucking dollars. Just in tips. Just in June.

Speaking of, June has thirty days. I would only have to work for eighteen of them. Never more than two days of work in a row. This would be beyond wonderful for my mental health.


The Thing About Rose Tyler
It's been a while since I've talked about Doctor What. "Okay, I just want to see every episode featuring the Weeping Angels" went from being terrified & fascinated by the Angels to falling in love with Amy Pond, so then I had to watch every episode from her era (seasons five, six, and the first not-quite-half of seven), which meant that I eventually met Clara the Impossible Girl, who, to my considerable shock, I loved even more than Amy.

Netflix doesn't have season eight yet.

Now what?

After giving it some thought, I decided to go ahead and watch season one. I was seriously tempted to skip it, as well as season two, for the most obviously simple reason in the universe: Rose Tyler.

Believe it or not, but Rose Tyler and I kind of go way back. As long ago as 2008, my roommate at the time had some bitch friends who got him hooked on the show and tried to get me hooked on the show. He spectacularly failed because, as I explained to him in no uncertain terms, "I can't make myself like any character played by any actor who tries to let their eyebrows do most of the acting." If you've tried to convince me to give the show a chance between 2008 and about a month ago, a large part of why it hasn't worked is Billie Piper's Eyebrow Acting.

Interestingly, one of my two closest Whovian friends (seraphprowess) swears up & down & sideways that Rose is absolutely her favorite companion.

Naturally, when I decided to put aside my distaste for one of the most annoying actors in the entire history of the universe and actually watch season one, I kept it a secret from her until just now.

The thing is, once you look past her eyebrows (note: Billie Piper's Eyebrow Acting is shorthand for my sincere opinion that she really is a terrible actor who never should have been hired, etc.; I do not "just" dislike her because her eyebrows are too expressive), Rose Tyler actually is quite an interesting character. On paper, anyway. I still don't like her, though. I'll explain.

She has several individual traits that you would think would make me like her: Is she a textbook Girl Who Kicks Ass? Could she wield the Element of Loyalty? Is she fucking fearless? Does she view "impossible" as a word that only applies to other people?** In addition to being the first companion of the revival series, was she the first companion in a long while who didn't need to be rescued all the time?* Is she an exemplary example of an "ordinary girl x, events force her to become a badass" character? Does she have a tragic past that includes a dad who died when she was very young? Does she convince the Doctor to take her to the day he died so she can save him and create a time paradox and almost destroy the planet? Does she save the day by becoming a literal Deus ex Machina?

But . . .
When we first meet her, she's such an obvious Audience Surrogate character (which, obviously, is a character that they needed to have when they revived the show) that a big part of her role in the story is to ask the Doctor questions and let him explain things to the audience her and basically be his Watson. Which is fine, of course. I can see why this sort of story needs that sort of character. Obviously. It's just that, on top of the Eyebrow Acting, "standing around being amazed by how alien the aliens are when you look at them" doesn't do a lot for me. To make matters worse, I'm spoilered enough to know that she & the Doctor will eventually officially become romantical whatsists to each other. I'm fully prepared to be proven wrong about this, but that sure sounds like yet another example of the "ordinary human girl meets immortal boy who looks human, but isn't; their feelings for each other become the most important part of the story even though there are monsters and everything" trope, so I'm bored bored bored.

I do think I'm really going to like Martha, but apparently the Doctor has a slight tendency to treat her like her full name is Martha "Not Rose Tyler" Jones, which is both disappointing and, you guessed it, boring. And I know for a fact that I'm going to love Donna so much, so it has been a bit of a slog to get through all the Rose Tyler episodes before I meet either of them. I will say that, in all honesty, after giving it rather a lot of thought, there is actually an awful lot going on in the whole first season that I really do like. Actually, the only thing going on in the whole first season that I really don't like is Rose Tyler. She's a fascinating character, but by the time she starts to display any signs of being anything more than a typical This Loser is You Action Girl Sidekick Future Love Interest bitch, it's too late. She's basically horrible to Mickey for no reason because she takes him for granted. She's despondent about her lot in life, but unwilling to do anything to change it other than run away with a madman in a box. She refuses to pick a hair color and go with it. She's so normal that it's boring. She's not really sorry enough about abandoning Mickey and her mum. She never asks the Doctor to use their time machine to take her back so that she never did abandon them because the fucking TARDIS malfunctioned. Also, and this cannot be stressed enough, I am already bored by the prospect of her eventual official romantical whatever with the Doctor, and it hasn't even officially happened yet.

In conclusion, I personally would like Rose Tyler much, much more if she was a) played by any other actress in the entire universe, b) significantly nicer to Mickey and Jackie, or c) not romantically entangled with the Doctor.

But she's not and she isn't and she is.

Tune in next week to see how I feel about her after watching season two.

P.S. Normally, if I got into a new sci-fi series and it only had one female main character and her name was Rose, she would automatically be my favorite. I really rather like the name Rose. So, on top of everything else, Rose Tyler is a massive disappointment.

*Full disclosure, I only know she was the first companion in a long while who didn't need to be rescued all the time because my other closest Whovian friend (who hasn't used LJ for years) told me so. My level of interest in Classic What is nonexistent.

**Like Granny Weatherwax!

Pitch Perfect 2: A Mixed Bag
On the one hand, this movie is hilarious. On the other hoof, well . . .

So many spoilers!Collapse )

Yay for May: Day 14 of 31
Actually, today kind of sucked out loud.

But I'm still excited for several things, such as . . .

* Nina Dobrev's last episode of TVD! Finally, after lo these many (six) weeks of wondering how they would write her off, we will finally finally know! I am, as Pinkie Pie would say, "nervous-cited." There are an unlimited number of ways they could do this, and I'm going to be severely annoyed if they don't do it in a way that isn't, well, annoying. We'll see.
Also, just putting this out there, I'm really hoping that Bonnie AND Elena AND Caroline will have a reasonably long scene that's just the three of them, since this will be their last chance. Because seriously, when was the last time that happened? Season five? I mean, season five would have been the last time it was even possible for all three of them to even be in the same room, but I don't really recall anything specific. I digress.
Anyway, I probably won't see it until tomorrow. I wish I had the energy to stay awake until it makes its way to Hulu around eleven, but it's pretty damn doubtful. I do have to wake up at four for the next two mornings.

* Speaking of waking up at four in the morning, ask me what I am doing after work tomorrow. No, no, I'll just tell you: I am shmoking somewhere between work and 7th & Pike, and then I am going to see Pitch Perfect 2. I've seen two or three of the trailers two or three times each, but that's pretty much it. I have stayed away from spoilers and interviews and absolutely anything that involves going behind the scenes. I know I'm going to enjoy the hell out of this movie, so there's no reason to not go in knowing as little as possible. Shmoking first will help with that.
There will probably be at least one song I love so much I have to come home and download it right away.
I kept "joking" that I was probably going to like this movie even more than Age of Ultron. Now that I've seen that, I can pretty much CONCLUSIVELY CONFIRM that I am going to like this one better. For one thing, it'll have approximately 157,000 times more female characters who talk to each other. I'm guessing.

* I went to the pot shop and bought four Girl Scout Cookie joints. Haven't shmoked any yet, because I had less than a third left of my last Blue Dream, and that made me feel really good, I mean really quite good, for several hours. I need to go shmoke (part of) one now, though, because I want to be at least somewhat high for Jeopardy, which starts in twenty-seven minutes.

P.S. I'm proud of myself because I've been ACTUALLY WRITING THINGS DOWN for the past few days. So that feels nice.

Shrimp Fried Rice Sunday, Week 2




Yay for May: Day 8 of 31
It's not even five-thirty yet, but today has been so awesome!

Work seemed to last for-freaking-ever (it was one of those days where there just isn't enough espresso in the universe), but as soon as it was over I went to the comic book shop! I got

  • Uncanny Avengers #3 and SHIELD #5, neither of which were on my list, but they both had Scarlet Witch on the cover;

  • Black Widow #17, which needs zero explanation;

  • FIENDship is Magic #3, which has the Dazzlings on the cover . . . in their original Pony forms (please be an origin story, please be an origin story, please be an origin story);

  • Bitch Planet #2 - this one I've known about for a while because it's made a few headlines on ComicsAlliance; as you can tell from the title, I'm obviously interested;

  • Jem and the Holograms #1 and #2, because obviously; and

  • a Storm trade paperback that collects the first five issues of her solo series from last year.

There were quite a few characters, like Ms. Marvel and Captain Marvel and Thor and Spider-Gwen, whose books I wanted to buy, but couldn't because they were completely sold out. Because, you know, Girls Who Kick Ass are so popular right now, for some reason.

Anyway, being back in an actual comic book shop for the first time in forever felt amazing. I will be collecting at least a few things every month,  but I think I might get most of them digitally once I buy my Kindle (which, at the latest, should happen by mid-June). That way I'll be able to buy them without having to run an errand or worry about the shop being sold out.

When I got home, my slow cooker was waiting for me! You know, the one I ordered YESTERDAY, which Amazon said would probably be delivered TOMORROW? Yeah, it's already here. I am beyond excited. I am beyond thrilled. Sometime very soon, I'm going to make enough curry to last all week. With minimal effort.

Last night's episode of TVD is brilliant. I'm so psyched to watch the finale in ONE WEEK.

I vaccuumed the floor of my bedroom, which is kind of a big deal.

I do "need" to tidy up the rest of my room, but it's not gonna happen until after work tomorrow. At the earliest. But I do have another glorious three-day weekend. Which, when you think about it, is actually a three-day weekend plus all of tomorrow afternoon & evening.

So my goals are to clean & read & write & cook & eat. Pretty much all weekend. Heh.

Don't tell him, but my dealer is fired. The pot shop is a better bargain. The pot shop has a much better selection. The pot shop is efficient and attentive. The pot shop is close enough for me to walk there and back again in twenty minutes. The pot shop updates their menu daily and sends me email alerts for special deals. It just makes much more sense. Much, much more.

Yay for May: Day 7 of 31
As I start to write this, it's 9:16 PM in the Emerald City; as I start to write this, it occurs to me that I just might stay up until after midnight so I can watch the new TVD on Hulu (it usually shows up around eleven).

Today was actually pretty awesome!

I never made it to the comic book shop, but there are two that I know of within walking distance, and I am going to one of them tomorrow, dammit. I'm hoping to find at least one issue each of Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, Spider-Gwen, Thor, All-New All-Female Avengers (or, as Marvel insists on calling it, "A-Force"), Black Widow, Hawkeye, Sabrina, Jem, and Friendship is Magic. Damn, that's kind of a lot. Oh well.

Work was a lot slower than I was anticipating, but tips were still excellent.

I ordered a slow cooker! And a Snuggie! And a few other things! Yay for Amazon.

Speaking of, I clicked my way to Amazon Instant Video and bought the Sing-Along Edition of Pitch Perfect. I'm probably going to buy Winter Soldier, as well.

Dinner was leftover curry + other leftover curry + leftover rice + vegetable broth + low to medium heat.
Served with raw red pepper slices. In retrospect, it would have been even more amazing on top of tomato slices. Or maybe cucumber.

Vanilla Kush makes me sleep so good.

The second-ever weekly Fried Shrimp Sunday is coming up!

Another Thing About Age of Ultron
Mildly spoilerful!Collapse )

Magical Girl Crossovers
Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to re-imagine the following teams as Magical Girls:


  • The Leader: Storm

  • The Lancer: Psylocke

  • The Smart Guy: Shadowcat

  • The Big Guy: Rachel Grey

  • The Chick: Jubilee

  • Team Pet: Lockheed (who can communicate telepathically, but only with Kitty)

The Scooby Gang

  • Leader: Buffy

  • Lancer: Willow (whose powers also make her The Big Guy)

  • Smart Guy: Giles

  • Heart: Xander

  • Chick: Anya, Tara, and Dawn

  • Team Pet: Miss Kitty Fantastico (whose role would be increased significantly)


  • Leader: Jake

  • Lancer: Marco

  • Smart Guy: Ax

  • Big Guy: Rachel

  • Chick (and The Heart): Cassie

  • Team Pet: Tobias (your argument is invalid because this is adorable)

The Mane Six

  • Leader: Twilight Sparkle

  • Lancer: everypony; it varies from episode to episode

  • Smart Guy: Twilight Sparkle again

  • Big Guy: Applejack & Rainbow Dash

  • Chick: all of them, but Rarity and Fluttershy are the most "obviously" so

  • Team Pet: Spike


  • Leader: Nico

  • Lancer: Chase

  • Smart Guy: Gert, then Xavin

  • Big Guy: Molly

  • Chick: Karolina

  • Team Pet: Old Lace

  • Sixth Ranger: Victor


  • Leader: Captain America

  • Lancer: Black Widow

  • Smart Guy: Iron Man

  • Big Guy: Thor

  • Chick: Hawkeye

  • Team Pet: Hulk

New Avengers

  • Leader: Black Widow

  • Leader: Captain America

  • Lancer: Falcon

  • Smart Guy: War Machine

  • Big Guy: Scarlet Witch

  • Team Pet Big Guy Who is Smart: Vision

  • Seventh Rangers: Hawkeye, Thor, Iron Man, Hulk

  • New Recruits: Black Panther, Captain Marvel, Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, Quake, Mockingbird, who else?!

Yay for May: Day 6 of 31
Actually, today was really tough. I'm still rather upset about the whole thing with Cara, which was on my mind as I was walking to work, so of course an inordinate amount of my customers were totally mean to me. Plus, Wednesday is the start of my work week, and whoever closed last night did kind of a frustrating job.

But what-ever.

I made etouffee out of leftover shrimp, jasmine rice, and peas with new (low-sodium) vegetable broth. It was amazing. And so simple. I just threw everything in a pot and simmered it on low heat for about half an hour, and it was perfect. It really made me miss Yats.

You'll notice that I seem to be craving shrimp rather a lot lately. Not sure what that's about. Don't care what that's about. I really love shrimp.

Speaking of food: What with one thing and another, my appetite was gone for most of April. It's back now, but I'm still not eating on quite enough of a regular schedule. So my body kiiind of thinks we're starving to death. It's a real pain. I guess I'll need to keep healty zero-prep snacks, like toast and granola and vegetables, on hand until I get this sorted out.

Yes, I realize toast requires a tiny bit of prep.

I still haven't made it to the comic book shop. It was on my list of errands today and everything, but I came home right after work.

Oh, that reminds me:
Things To Do After Work Tomorrow!
Go to . . .

  1. Xanadu (the comic book shop),

  2. the library, and

  3. the grocery store.

Is that it? I feel like there was at least one more thing. Oh, well. Either I'll remember eventually or I won't.

Yay for May: Day 4 of 31
Mondays are usually pretty relaxing, but today was . . . like, you know, super extra relaxing. Heh.

Here are a few quick notes so I won't forget:

  • Passed out in front of Doctor What (the 2010 Christmas Special features Dumbledore as a Scrooge-type character), woke up and wondered why I was silly enough to fall asleep with the light and my laptop still on at three-thirty in the morning, then woke up for real around nine-thirty . . . so, naturally, my day started with an immediate trip to the grocery store.

  • Where, by the way, I spent $20.22 on a bunch of healthy shit like tomatoes and eggs and Greek yogurt.

  • After that, the day was pretty damn low-key. I watched Doctor What (despite the super awesome guest star, that Christmas Special turns out to be boring as all hell), I cooked, I ate, I took a nap, I read some more of Evil Librarian, and that was about it.

  • Breakfast: Granola, honey, strawberry Greek yogurt, and a banana. All in the same bowl, of course.

  • Lunch: Tomato soup! I used both sunburst tomatoes & a big normal tomato.

  • Dinner: Toast with honey. I didn't feel like cooking, and my appetite wasn't really there anyway.

  • But I shmoked before I wrote this, so I have the munchies now. I'm literally munching on granola, and I'm kind of thinking about getting Doritos as well. Preferably the Spicy Nacho ones, though I would settle for the kind with Captain America on the bag.

  • Don't give me that look, I shmoked before I wrote this.

And I needed to be quick because I'm anxious to watch more Doctor What (I left it on the cliffhanger of a two-part episode about human doppelgangers), so that's enough for now.

P.S. Oh, but yesterday was kind of a big deal because I made shrimp fried rice for the first time ever:
So, from now on, I just might celebrate Shrimp Fried Rice Sunday every fucking week. Next time, I should definitely add red peppers or spinach or peas & corn & carrots & onions or mushrooms or . . . well, all of them. Plus a tomato.

Age of Ultron: Why It Bothers Me
Spoilers, obviously!Collapse )

Yay for May: Day 2 of 31
Today was really pretty great, but it was also thoroughly exhausting. Four hours of sleep, waking up at 4:00, going going going, busy busy busy, until just now, 10:47. Age of Ultron gave me a lot of mixed feelings about a number of things. Lunch was a veggie bowl from Chipotle.

Yay for May: Day 1 of 31
I suppose I can't really tell you what happened today without explaining a little bit about yesterday first. Yesterday was day two of a four-day work week, and I actually got to stay up late because on Wednesday the barista who usually closes my store asked if I might like to switch shifts on Friday, and after giving it half a second of thought I said, "Yes!"
None of this was planned on purpose, but it did inevitably add up to something quite auspicious. Last day of April, new episode of TVD on the Apple TV, and a nightcap of Vanilla Kush.
Oh, and I made curry & rice and aloo gobi at my roommate's request. I was, obviously, thrilled beyond words that he liked aloo gobi enough to specifically ask me to make it. He even volunteered some russet potatoes that were just sitting there in his pantry. I haven't made it since I taught myself how, which I wanna say was back in February.
Also, right after Jeopardy he announced that he was going out. And wouldn't be back all night. So I unexpectedly had the house to myself, which was a nice perk.

Anyway, today!

It was fortunate that I did set a "just in case" alarm for ten o' clock, because Vanilla Kush really did knock me out. I remember waking up at 3:00, 5:39, and 8:20, but I did sleep really deep. I figured I would wake up by nine-thirty because I'm so used to waking up at four. Yeah, no. I very nearly slept through that "just in case" alarm at ten, and it was a bit of a struggle to actually get up and get anything done.
Especially since I had left some pots soaking in the sink. So I had to wash those, which motivated me to wake up.

I actually ate breakfast! Greek yogurt, granola, and honey. It tasted even more delicious than normal because the past few weeks have seen me fall out of my usual radically healthy eating habits. The granola went to work with me so I could leave it there and get back into my usual radically healthy eating habits.

This wasn't exactly a surprise, but closing my store instead of opening made me a magnet for morons. There was the dude who felt the need to strike up a conversation about what time we close (six) and whether or not we had been closing earlier than that in the winter (no), even though it is now FUCKING MAY; there was the bro who asked me to recommend a restaurant and got offended because I said "Pretty much, throw a rock, and you'll hit a good seafood place" and he said, "Wait, I'm not from around here. Is this area called Pearl Rock?" and made me repeat it three times; there were several people who inspected the pastry case and asked me to explain the tags while they read them, which made me feel like a kindergarten teacher, especially when no less than two of them asked if the carrot-walnut bread (whose tag declares, "I'M GLUTEN FREE & VEGAN!") contained any dairy.
So boring. So disappointing.
Ole Golly says, when people don't think about anything, there's nothing to think about them.
But tips were decent.

Closing took about an hour, roughly twice as long as it took me when I did it all the time.
And I'm fairly certain I left the beans in the hoppers, which you're not supposed to do overnight because oil can build up and slowly destroy the grinder.

Dinner was Toasted Toast Time. Specifically, toast & strawberry preserves. Next time I go to the grocery store, I might buy some blackberry preserves.

I'm not going to get nearly enough sleep tonight, just four or five hours at most, but WHO CARES? As soon as I leave work I'm going to the transit tunnel and getting on a bus to Kent so I can see Age of Ultron with Adam & Rhea. After the movie, maybe there will be Chinese food. Maybe I'll buy a Pony. Maybe I'll see the movie again by myself as soon as I get back to Seattle. We'll just fucking see.

Some Thoughts on the Weeping Angels
Okay, so basically their deal is that -

In their usual form, Weeping Angels resemble silent human-sized stone statues in the form of winged angels in draped clothing (such as might appear as tomb statuary in a Victorian graveyard). Apart from the wings, their standard form appears to mimic Earth humans (two arms, two legs, two eyes) even when they are infiltrating worlds on which the inhabitants differ from this form. Generally their facial features are bland and serene and their proportions human-normal. However, as they close in on more aware victims they transform to a more horrific, bestial and demonic aspect with wide-open mouths, vampiric teeth and clawed hands. In the episode "The Angels Take Manhattan", another form of Weeping Angel is shown, the cherubim.[2] Unlike the Weeping Angels, the cherubim are not silent, making a childlike giggling and having audible footsteps. It is not explicitly stated that these are young Angels, but they are referred to as "the babies". It is also implied that Angels can mimic the forms or dimensions of a broader range of statuary if required: in "The Angels Take Manhattan", one Angel takes the form (or hijacks the existing form) of the Statue of Liberty (manifesting as a full-size Liberty with Weeping Angel features) and the final moments of "Blink" suggest that any statue might be a disguised Angel.
(Thank you, Wikipedia.)

- which is obviously quite scary, but here's the thing: They're actually not that difficult to defeat destroy. As long as you look at them, they remain stone statues.

Apparently I spend a lot of time thinking about Girls Who kick Ass by killing monsters, because it seems to me that it should not take long to utterly smash an Angel, even if you can't move things with your mind or control the weather or whatever.

Here are some general tips; interpret as you will:

  1. Have a friend with you so someone's eyes are always on it. Keeping it stuck in stone form forever is the easiest thing. A family of kittens could do it without even trying.

  2. The thing about stone is, it's not fucking vibranium. You can smash it with a sledgehammer. Or drop it in lava.

I mean, yes, they are still terrifying. But it seems glaringly obvious to me that, if the Angels tried to attack some of my favorite fictional characters, they would not be particularly threatening (I'm trying to say this nicely). Let's see . . .


  • Jubilee can blow stuff up.

  • Kitty Pryde is literally impossible to touch.

  • Psylocke & Rachel Grey are both telekinetic.

  • Storm can do this whole "razor wind" thing.

  • As for Rogue, actually, could she not put her bare hand on an Angel's face and then blink? That seems like asking for trouble.

  • Still, overall the Angels are at best a minimal threat.


  • Well, Buffy has experience using a sledgehammer to grind an enemy's bones into dust.

  • Xander knows a thing or two about explosives.

  • Willow knows a thing or two about explosives and everything else. "Oh, you can only attack when I'm not looking? Scary. Bored now."

  • Giles would be able to find a banishing ritual in under two hours.

Sailor Moon

  • Needs no examples.

Toph Beifong

  • Laughs at the thought of enemies who are actually made of stone.

The Mane Six

  • Applejack: You know, I think she's probably strong enough to kick the dern things so hard their faces fall off.

  • Fluttershy: There is an episode about her named "Stare Master."

  • Pinkie Pie: *giggles*

  • Rarity: Is telekinetic, and has diamonds in every room of her home. You do the math, darling.

  • Rainbow Dash: Sonic Rainboom.

  • Twilight Sparkle: "When those five are ignited by the . . . the spark . . . that resides in the heart of us all, it creates . . . the Element of Magic!"

Agents of SHIELD

  • Skye has this whole thing where she can start earthquakes with her mind. She could literally shake them to pieces.

  • May would get a hammer.

  • The rest of them are SHIELD agents. They'd figure something out.

Yay for May
Okay, May is going to be a-may-zing amazing for a number of reasons. These are just a few examples.

Age of Ultron, duh! I'm seeing it on Saturday. With Adam & Rhea. High as a kite. As the kick-off to a three-day weekend. I'll probably see it six or seven times, but the first time is all set to be special.

Season finales of SHIELD & TVD, yay! So hype for both. For quite different reasons, obviously.

New Rule: From now on, twice a month I'm allowed to spend $100 on EQG and/or Ponies. And, apart from blind bags and the occasional exceptional exception, that will be it. This will make it much easier to actually buy the ones I want, instead of constantly telling myself, "Oh, don't buy her until you have x dollars to spend, that the responsible way to do it," but then when I have x dollars I spend most of them on groceries, or it's time for my phone bill, or whatever, and I'm constantly way behind on my collecting. Once I get caught up on current collecting, I can look into buying some older Ponies on eBay. Boysenberry Pie, for example. (She's my childhood favorite.)

Pitch Perfect 2, duh! I keep telling my BFF that we should both go to the theater on Satuday the 16th and see it on the same day, even though I'm in The Magical Land of Washington and he's . . . not.

Comic books! Sometime between now and Monday, I am going to go back to Xanadu for the first time in forever. Because there are so many things coming out right now that I really feel like I should be reading: Jem, Spider-Gwen, Thor, Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel, Zodiac Starforce, the Sabrina horror series that started way back in October, All-New All-Female Avengers, Friendship is Magic, Black Widow. I don't even know, what else? I never bought more than the first six or seven issues of All-new All-Female X-Men, for example.
Note that all of these books feature brilliant, sometimes even exemplary, examples of Girls Who Kick Ass.
Unless I'm very much mistaken, Storm currently has her own series.

Tomorrow is the first day of May, and it's going to get the whole month off to a great start! The barista who usually closes "my" store switched shifts with me. It was her idea, but I emphatically agreed to it after about half a second of consideration. So, instead of waking up at four a.m. like usual, I will get to sleep in until nine-thirty (no alarm necessary). This will leave less than twelve hours between the end of my shift on Friday and the start of my shift on Saturday, but WHO CARES? Saturday is Age of Ultron day! I can handle absolutely anything between now and then, you best believe.

Girls Who Kick Ass I Need To Get To Know Sooner Than Later
Wow, the title of this post really rolls off the tongue and sounds like something a human would say.

1. Zodiac Starforce
It won't be out until August, but these nerds are the stars of an upcoming Magical Girl series from Dark Horse. It's officially a four-issue limited series, but I have this crazy idea that it might be picked up shortly thereafter as an ongoing monthly bestseller. Because it's going to be fucking awesome. Check out this tiny taste:
I only know about this because the creators had an interview with ComicsAlliance last month, by the way. One thing they mention is that it's pretty freaking exciting to be alive right now because so many kids who were obsessed with Sailor Moon are all grown up and telling their own Magical Girl stories. I agree emphatically. I agree with emphasis.

2. Carol Danvers
I already know Carol Danvers, of course. Some of the very first comics I ever got into were those black-and-white Essential X-Men collections, each of which weighs only somewhat less than a phone book, and there's a whole recurring storyline about how she gets her Binary powers after Rogue permanently absorbs her regular powers and memories. So I actually know her pretty well. I would like to know her even better, though, now that she has inspired . . .

3. Kamala Khan
It's been literally forever since the last time I actually went into a comic shop and bought individual issues of anything. I think I might need to get back into a monthly habit, though, and that is primarily because of Kamala. If I need to spend one second explaining why I know I'm going to love her so much that she will get me back into collecting comics, you never listen when I talk. Jerk.

But seriously, I adore G. Willow Wilson. Cairo is one of those brilliant graphic novels that everybody should read, and Air is one of my favorite under-sixty self-contained obscure little genius comics ever.

Anyway, I'm beyond excited for Carol & Kamala to join the MCU. I want Carol to be introduced in Age of Ultron, even if it's just a cameo. I want the rumors about Kamala getting her own "slow burn" origin story (like they did for Daredevil) TV show to be true. Carol should have a few scenes in the first season so she can inspire Kamala to kick ass. Kamala should appear in Carol's movie. I'm not really particular about any of this, I just want both of them all over the movie slash television 'verse so that they become household names.

4. Thor
Speaking of reasons I've been itching to get back into collecting comics every month. I could only be more excited about this if she was a person of color. Still, this is obviously legitimately amazing. Thor is a woman now, because. So simple, so stellar. Marvel just doesn't give a fuck sometimes. And slash or, they realize that Girls Who Kick Ass are pretty hot right now. Praise the gods. Get it? I say "Praise the gods" all the time anyway, but in this case it's ironical because Thor is a god? Such wit, what clever.

5. Spider Gwen
What if Gwen Stacey was the one who got bitten by the radioactive spider? Good question, Marvel. Shut up and take my money.

6. Jem and the Holograms
I'm just barely young enough that I never got into the show as a child. Which is a shame, because I obviously would have loved it. I've tried to watch it as an adult, but somehow the magic just isn't there. So in a way, this new comic will be a way to make up for lost time. Or something.

Have you noticed how every example on this list is a reason to get back into collecting comics every month? My brain is clearly trying to tell me something.

Some Thoughts on Doctor What 3x11, "Blink"
I never have had the patience for Doctor What, and probably never really will, but for some reason it occurred to me last night to become really fascinated by the Weeping Angels. This was the episode that introduced them, the very first full episode of this show that I've ever watched on purpose, and holy something it is so good.

Let's be honest, the idea of alien monsters that kill you by sending you to the past and letting you live to death and just happen to be turned into stone whenever any other living being observes them is pretty damn good. That's as good as dementors. Or a night that lasts forever. Or the spirit of the moon being burned to death. It's a primal fear sort of metaphor, is what I'm saying.

You know how Joss has explained that he created The Gentlemen specifically to frighten the next generation of children in the same sort of way that he had been frightened by whatever he watched as a kid? The Weeping Angels remind me of that, but with the paranoia cranked way up.

Sally Sparrow is only in this episode. This fascinates me. If you're watching the series as a whole, she just happens to be the Victim of the Week in the episode that happens to introduce some of the most turrifyin' monsters in history. But if you just watch this episode, she's The Hero of a particularly thrilling sci fi adventure story. Either way, she's quite interesting to think about.

It's really cool that The Doctor & Martha have such limited screentime. He does technically save the day because he's The Hero of this particular sci fi adventure story, but this is a show about time travel, so in the end Sallly is the one who sets everything in motion by giving him all of her information on the case and telling him who to give it to when he's trapped in 1969 . . .

I read the TV Tropes entry for this episode before I watched it, and I'm pretty glad. Going in already familiar with all of the basic plot points made it really easy to pay attention to the telling half of the storytelling, you know? On purpose and everything. It was still scary as all hell, though.

There are more than a few times where you'll notice that neither Sally nor Larry are looking at one Angel. Why, then, is it frozen? Oh, wait. You are looking at it. You. By watching the episode. Don't fucking blink or anything.

Because they're both sci fi adventure stories about really scary alien monsters, this episode made me miss Animorphs. Which I wish would get a Netflix series, by the way. Preferably an animated one.

My Favorite EQG Videos of the Moment

"My Past is Not Today" - Sunset Shimmer

Looking back, I can't remember how I even discovered that Sunset Shimmer had her own official music video, but it pretty much completely blew my mind. Obviously. This song is reminiscent of "Defying Gravity" (and, yes, "Let It Go") because they're both power ballads about personal impowerment and everything. But, unlike Elphaba, Sunset Shimmer's personal empowerment or whatever comes from . . . her friendship with the Mane Six.

This is awesome. I can't wait to find a good techno remix.

Also, the symbolism of her raising the sun is not lost on me. That's deep, that is. Sunset Shimmer is not consumed by the darknesss because she is full of light. Literally.

So yeah, she's pretty much one of my favorite Girls Who Kick Ass in the whole history of fiction, right up there with Willow & Elphaba & Korra & Ororo.

I should really have more than one doll of her.

Release a better doll of Sunset Shimmer, please, Hasbro!

Anyway, I asked tanz_fanatika if she had seen it. As it turned out, she hadn't. She did, and said it was awesome, but had I seen . . .

"Friendship Through the Ages" - Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle

Sunset Shimmer is in this one, but she doesn't sing. Instead, through The Magic of Friendship the magic of music videos, she goes on this journey 'cross time & space kind of thing as the Mane Six sing to her about, well, about how The Magic of Friendship is the one thing in life that never changes, that carries on through the ages.

And it's extra amazing because all six of them are wearing their outfits from the Rockin' Hair doll line. Meaning, this video is a very subtle toy commercial. And I don't even care, because it's so awesome! How is it awesome, you ask? Sit down, I'll tell ya.

We've known what the Rockin' Hair dolls were going to look like for months, and never until this video did it ever dawn on me that they're all wearing outfits with some sort of musical theme (Applejack has a pattern of musical notes in the brim of her hat, Fluttershy comes with a tambourine, Rainbow Dash's purse is shaped like an axe) and they're all from different eras. Well done, Hasbro. Take some more of my money.

I still don't want Twilight Sparkle, though. It might amuse me, sometime in the future, if someone gave her to me as part of some gag gift exchange program thing.

Why I Hate This Doll: Rockin' Hair Twilight Sparkle
The only EQG line I really need to buy right now is Rockin' Hair, and I'm sorry to say so, but she's the only one I'm not getting.

This is kind of a nitpick, but I would like the EQG dolls a lot more if they didn't all have to have lipstick. It's just not Twilight's style. Obviously, yes, kind of the whole point of Rainbow Rocks in general and this line in particular is to have fun and go crazy and glam it up, so she would make an exception this once. But still, why does her mouth have to be open? I have no less than four of the basic, cheaper EQG dolls, with the arms that don't bend and hands that look like the fingers have been glued together, and they all have closed mouths. I'm not saying an open-mouthed smile makes The Princess of Friendship look like she's been hit with Joker gas, but I also kind of am.

But that's so small you almost might not even notice it compared to the big thing about this doll that's really wrong, which is her outfit. Seriously, what were they thinking with that outfit? It's actually a really cute outfit . . . for Rarity. The gigantic frou-frou collar, the piano theme, the opera gloves are all things Rarity would just have on hand in her closet, even if they weren't going with the glam rock theme. As you'll know if you've seen the movie, Twilight becomes the lead singer of the band specifically because she doesn't know how to play an instrument and the rest of them already do. Guess which one Rarity plays. Go on, guess.

This entire line has completely over-the-top shoes (which I love), but Twilight wouldn't be able to walk in those particular ones.

It's annoying, because with some minor adjustments the outfit really would be perfect for Rarity. I like the one Rarity does have, though, so I wish Hasbro would release a second wave of Rockin' Hair dolls. Rarity could have an outfit like this one, Twilight could wear something that suits her, and if Hasbro really wanted to make money off it they could sell them for $40-$50 if the dolls were a little higher quality (say, on the level of Ever After High) and came with accessories like glasses or books or magic candles. Or pets! Oh, and the line could include a limited edition Sunset Shimmer.

P.S. I did have this rather fun, quite lengthy, explanation about why I've loved Twilight Sparkle since the first scene of the first episode and it pains me to say I don't like a doll of her from a line I like so much that I'm waiting to open the other five all at the same time and have an absolutely epic photo shoot, but LJ ate it. I may or may not try to recreate it later. I'm always so pissed when I'm actually inspired and actually motivated to write about anything, for once, and then tech tries to ruin everything.

UPDATE: I just found out today that Hasbro recently released a music video which is essentially a commercial for this entire line, "Friendship Through the Ages." The song is so awesome that I don't care that it's a commercial. I'm more excited than ever for the other five, but I'm still just not sold on Twilight playing the piano. I wouldn't still say I "hate" the doll, but I'm also still not convinced that she's worth my money. Also, in the video her shoes are much more subdued and her collar isn't quite so theatrical. Slow clap for Hasbro.

How To Kill Elena Gilbert
As we all know, Nina Dobrev is leaving TVD after this season. There are only four more episodes. The finale will air on May 14th. Naturally, I have been giving a lot of thought to the question, "How are they going to write her off the show?" In an effort to free up some brain space and maybe spend a little more time thinking about other things, I figured it would be good to write down some of my ideas.

First of all, seraphprowess has informed me that The Klaus Show likes to keep the Mikaelsons around even after their actors say sayonara by having them . . . magically "jump" into different bodies. This is okay for the Mikaelsons (well, not truly okay, because nothing about giving Klaus his own show will ever be okay, but I digress), but I will probably throw something through a window if the writers do the same thing to Elena. I'm sorry, but would the show have even lasted long enough to get a spinoff without the remarkable acting talent that is Nina? Maybe, maybe not. But probably not, right? So it would be kind of, you know, hugely disrespectful if they wrote her out in this way. I don't think they're going to, but I also Don't Trust the Writers.

I'm actually pretty got-damn excited about the prospect of the show going on without Elena, because giving Bonnie & Caroline more screentime will make everything twenty percent cooler. For me, the real tragedy of Nina's departure is that we really will never find out exactly what happened to Katherine after she was dragged away by witches or "the spirits" or whoever last season get to watch her play Katherine ever again. Unless they bring her back at some point during the four remaining episodes. Honestly, I think she should come back so that she and Elena can kill each other. This would make so much sense! This season has spent a lot of time explaining how the prison dimensions work, so there's no reason they couldn't reveal that Katherine has been trapped in one of her own ever since she disappeared. I mean, come on. We don't ask for much from this dumb show (anymore). Please just let us have this one thing.

However they kill Elena, her death should be the thing that restores Caroline's humanity. However they kill Elena, her death should be the thing that restores Caroline's humanity. Don't even try to debate me on this. Don't even try to insult our intelligence by pretending it will be nearly as satisfying if she flips her switch back on because Stefan somehow breaks through to her because she lubs him. The most recent episode made it crystal fucking clear that Caroline's romantic relationships inevitably dissolve eventually, but her love for her friends has never been anything less than absolute (well, until she flipped her switch, anyway*). Also, when her humanity is restored, how is she going to feel about Stefan? They finally fucked after they killed an innocent girl who happened to live in her dorm. They've killed several other innocent people since then. They She nearly made Tyler kill Matt. When her emotions come back, she's going to be disgusted. She will cry and throw up and cry some more. I'm just saying.

I really do think they should kill Elena, by the way. This is obviously a show where the characters die and come back and die again and come back again literally all the time, but it would be so refreshing if they did inject some actual tragedy into the neverending dramalama. Tragedy is realistic. I would find it particularly cathartic if Bonnie & Caroline and the brothers and Matt really truly honestly had to grieve for her. The problem is that, because this is a show where the characters die and come back and die again and come back again literally all the time, at least one of them (prediction: Damon or Bonnie or Damon & Bonnie) would be obsessed with finding a way to bring her back . . . even though the Other Side was destroyed at the end of last season . . . even though the audience would know it wasn't going to happen this time . . . which would be the tiniest bit frustrating to watch. So they'd have to do it just right, and explicitly explain that, due to the circumstances of the nature of her death, it's actually The End for her this time. Which, by the way, would be a lot easier to do if they brought Katherine back so they could kill each other. Of course, it certainly does seem like she might take the cure. That would make her death pretty permanent, too.

Whether or not she and Katherine do kill each other, Elena should die protecting her friends. All of them. Not just Bonnie & Caroline & Stefan & Damon and Matt and Tyler and Alaric, but also Jo and . . . wait, is anyone else even on this show anymore? Heh. But seriously, Elena Gilbert never wanted to be a vampire. And she did always want to sacrifice herself instead of letting anyone she cared about get hurt. And we know the finale is going to involve some sort of epic battle. This one might actually happen!

(By the way, one storyline from the books that I've always hoped against hope the show would stay far far far away from is the whole "Elena dies, then comes back as a vampire, then dies again and comes back as an angel" thing. But, you know, I'd be okay with it if they want to have Nina return as a Special Guest Star when the show finally does end. And if sacrificing yourself to protect all of your friends the friends you have left who haven't already died doesn't qualify you to become an angel, I don't know what the fuck does.)

Finally, let me just say that season seven had better not introduce a new love triangle.

P.S. Michael Trevino is also leaving after this season, and I have a great idea about how they should write him out of the show, as well:
None of the other characters ever mention Tyler ever again.
That's it.

*If only Bonnie had come back twenty-four hours earlier.

If I Wrote My Own Magical Girl Series, Part II
Here are some tidbits of insight about the characters:

  • Bonnie (Pink) is a dancer and a gymnast and a rock climber and a band geek and a cheerleader and a reporter and a million other ands. She has way too much energy for one human to hold. Once she becomes a Magical Girl, energy + exuberance = lots and lots of very dead monsters. She is definitely the most lethal member of the team (for now), and the only one who never gets bogged down by the whole "it's up to us to defend Earth from malignant magical monsters who are attracted to Earth because we unlocked our powers and brought magic back to Earth; consequently, we have zero social lives and our grades are slipping" thing because she has so much fun killing monsters. It takes her the longest to discover her individual power because she's already so effective with just the flight, strength, and durability that they all have (note: she adjusts to having those powers far faster than the other three). Her individual power turns out to be telekinesis, which she mainly uses to make herself even stronger and slice monsters in half from across the room. Especially if they are dumb enough to threaten Maggie, which they so often are. Also, she's a college sophomore who is one year older than most of her classmates because she took a year off to travel as soon as she graduated from high school. Her favorite Disney Princess is Elsa.

  • Cat (Blue) is a quiet, observant wisp of a girl who starts to get to know Bonnie shortly before the start of the show. They have a class together, or meet at a slam poetry night or something, it's not important. What's important is that, even though they've only known each other for a short time, and even though they are so very different, they've already started to become pretty good friends. She's a scientist, but also a dreamer. Her attention span is not great. Unleashing her power of telepathy is a huge relief, because it assures her that, "I am not crazy, I just hear voices." Also, it doesn't take her long to realize that she can understand any language even if she can't speak it. That's important. Like Bonnie, she's a sophomore; unlike Bonnie, she is taking extra super advanced science classes (nerd) and an elective that's secretly more science. She pays attention to the phases of the moon, even though, as she says, "It's obviously actually always full." Her favorite Disney Princess is Ariel.

  • Maggie (Purple) is Bonnie's little sister and Gwen's BFF and roommate. Obviously, she grew up idolizing Bonnie. Their family is pretty dramatical, so the two of them grew quite close. She's known Gwen since the first day of kindergarten, and they've been best friends since the end of that day (Bonnie gave her lessons on how to make friends). She's a bookworm and an excellent cook. She discovers her power of intangibility by accident. She tends to figure out how to kill monsters faster than any of the others, and she's the one who figures out the truth about Bonnie's and Gwen's powers. She's a college freshman. Her favorite Disney Princess is Anna.

  • Gwen (Green) is a fucking hippie. She has zero idea what she wants to be when she grows up, but she does know she doesn't want to be a doctor. Which her parents really want. Vegetarian, plays guitar, meditates, spends her summers volunteering at animal clinics, writes poetry literally every day. As I say, a fucking hippie. Ironically, she is completely jazzed to discover that magic is real and so are monsters and she has a destiny to defend her planet by killing monsters all day every day . . . and disappointed to discover that her power is healing. She's far less effective in a fight than any of the others. Or so she thinks. Her favorite Disney Princess would be Pocahontas, if she didn't have so little in common with the actual person that they might as well have given her a new name and said it was an original myth is Belle.

If I Wrote My Own Magical Girl Series

  • There are four heroes, no more and no less. Sure, I have pretty solid ideas for at least two episodes designed to make the audience and/or the heroes suspect that a new character is supposed to become the fifth member of their team. Spoiler Alert: She isn't.

  • Before the start of the series, the four girls are already connected in several different ways: Two of them are related, two of them are BFF and roommates, two of them are just beginning to get to know each other, and two of them have never even met.

  • Pink, blue, purple, and mint green are the girls' theme colors.

  • There are times when it's up to The Magic of Friendship to save the day, but for the most part the girls use their own individual powers, which are both specific and limited. Pink is telekinetic, Blue is telepathic, Purple can become intangible, and Green is a healer. Also, they are all significantly stronger and more durable than normal humans. And they can fly.

  • All four girls will eventually receive new powers (in addition to their original ones, not as replacements) in the first episode of either season two or season three.

  • Two of the heroes are biracial, one is white, and one is Indian. None of their ethnicities are, you know, crucial to the plot.

  • They don't necessarily know this when the show starts, but all four girls have some serious secrets.

You'll notice that I haven't actually said anything about where the girls live or how old they are or how (or why) they receive their powers or anything else that makes them characters. I have also neglected to say a word about any of the villains (there are a lot). Never fear, this post is merely a placeholder that I typed up with a quickness. "If I wrote my own Magical Girl series" is something I've been thinking about for the past several months, and I have an awful lot to say on the subject. Later.

I Just Thought a Think About Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!

ATTENTION, EVERYPONY, I just thought a think about Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!

As the Gay Best Friend of the Ginger Hero of a Tina Fey Comedy with Dramatical and/or Serious Moments, Titus Andromedon is kind of sort of like a spiritual successor to Damian from Mean Girls.

For bonus points, both of our Ginger Heroes are socially awkward because they've spent the last [eleven; fifteen] years in [Africa; an apocalypse bunker in Indiana, where people are basic] and don't know things like [is "Ashton Kutcher" a band; how to take a recent photo of oneself without locating a nearby Sears]. However, they have opposite levels of mathematical aptitude.

The show doesn't really have a Regina George character, and the closest thing it does have to a Regina George character is . . . Jenna, I mean Jacqueline. Who only has two or three traits in common with Regina. Where was I even going with this? Obviously, if you're brilliant enough to create Regina George, you're not going to be dim enough to try to re-create whatever magic inspired you to create Regina George anywhere other than a Mean Girls musical.

I announced that I had just thought "a" think about Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but that was actually three. I'm awesome.

Nina Dobrev has announced that she is leaving The Vampire Diaries. Really and truly, actually, honestly, and for real. The show was confirmed for season seven a while ago, and she plays every Petrova doppelganger bitch ever the protagonist, Around Whom Everyone Else Revolves, you know, so some fans are quite upset by this news. What, they, ask, will be the point of the show without Elena Gilbert?

Personally, I could not be more thrilled. I love Elena, really. I gave the show half a chance because the best friend was a witch, fully expecting to dislike the main character, but she won me over less than halfway into the pilot. But she hasn't been nearly as likable since she became a vampire, which was two full seasons ago. And, let's be honest, she has recently been the most boring thing about the show (other than Enzo). Recent episodes have been some of the best in a good long while . . . because she has just kind of been there. She is essentially a supporting character in the stories of Bonnie & Damon and Caroline & Stefan.

So the thought of the show getting at least one year without her is very intriguing.

I do feel somewhat guilty for feeling excited, because there is no way they can write her out of the show alive. (Note: Even if Elena is Really Most Sincerely Dead, there's always a chance she can come back as a spirit for the show's Grand Finale.) Which makes the whole Tragical Tragedy of Elena Gilbert thing extra tragical. So I was already feeling somewhat guilty for feeling excited, and now I'm feeling somewhat guilty for not feeling less excited.

Because dammit, I want TVD to be one thousand percent fun again, and this is a great way to do it. Here are just a few ideas:

  • Since Elena & Damon have been boring as hell since last season anyway, go ahead and "officially" make the show about Stefan & Caroline and Damon & Bonnie. The end.

  • Season seven could jump five years into the future, after everyone has left Mystic Falls because they just can't deal after Elena dies. After traveling all over the world and getting into and out of trouble and growing up and getting real jobs and everything, Bonnie & Damon and Caroline & Stefan all wind up in the same city, where they try to just have normal lives but inevitably become targets of a new Big Bad, who may or may not be Mama Salvatore or one of her associates. Meanwhile, Sheriff Matt Donovan investigates a string of murders all around the edges of Mystic Falls . . .

  • Bonnie's cousin Lucy finally comes back. Because the rest of the Bennetts need her help. Helping the rest of the Bennetts will put Bonnie in danger, so Caroline inists on coming with her, so Stefan insists on coming with her, so Damon insists on coming with him . . .

Beans & Rice: Monday, April 6th, 2015
Oh, goodness, it has been a freaking fantastic day. I woke up, made a smoothie and had some granola on top of black cherry Greek yogurt for breakfast, then left to run a few errands, and made it home by noon-thirty. One of my errands had been a trip to the grocery store, so I immediately started making lunch, which I started eating at 2:06.

I made beans & rice. This is one of my favorite things to make because it's never "just" beans & rice because I always add things to it because, obviously, beans & rice is a great dish that makes it easy to trick yourself into eating more vegetables. I rarely make it the same way twice. Today's was pretty good. In fact, it was so good that I had to drop everything and tell the Internet.

This is a little bit time-consuming because you need to let the beans and everything simmer for about an hour, but there will be plenty of leftovers which you can eat in any number of ways with zero to limited prep time.

Anyway, today's ingredients are:

  • 3 cans of black beans (Pro Tip: get the kind that say "LOW SODIUM" on the label)

  • 1 can of peas

  • 1 can of corn

  • 1 red pepper

  • 1 small box of mushrooms

  • shrimp

  • curry spices

  • Sriracha


If you want to trick yourself into eating more raw vegetables, you could throw a handful of sunburst tomatoes on top.

P.S. There really will be quite a lot of leftovers. I do have one suggestion as to what to do with them: Take them right out of the fridge and plop them on some spinach. And lo, you have a delicious spinach salad that took two minutes to prepare. You're welcome.

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